all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
