The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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