Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have demons in me.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
