I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
