Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
