I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The feeling are messing with the penis
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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