There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
