the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
