it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
