I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
