that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
