Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
