he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
