i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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