I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
