This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
