Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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