I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
