East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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