Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
