WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
