I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
