I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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