I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
