seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
