if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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