I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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