i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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