do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
