The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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