Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
