i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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