Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize