I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
His nipple licking is glorious
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