Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
