Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize