Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
