Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
