Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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