I am in a vortex of obligation.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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