I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize