Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
