So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
