i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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