My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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