i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize