Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize