you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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