ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize