Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
