if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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