I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
