you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
