I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
