i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
