so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
