just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
