Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize