I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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