The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize