We're like a lot better than the average bears
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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