You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
