Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
