hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
