Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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