My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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