lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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