wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
