Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize