i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Found your dick twin last night
Can I color on your dick again?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
