Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
