i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
