So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
