theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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