Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
