Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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